Adventures in babywearing

At our friend's cabin upstate, Toby loved the friendly grown-ups and wanted to be in the middle of the action at all times. But Alex and I could only chase him around and keep him from falling off the dock for so long, so the sling turned out to be a perfect way to keep him happy and immersed. Here, we're fishing with friends--it was the first time for both Toby and me! (We caught nothing:)

Another early, chilly morning during our trip, we walked by a babbling stream and paused to watch the water flow by. It was so relaxing (I caught myself thinking that it sounded just like a noise machine, ha!), and Toby's head rested more and more heavily on my chest until I realized he had fallen asleep. (My other clue was a stream of drool flowing down my decolletage, such that it is.) So I sat down on a bench while the pink sun rose in the sky, and read Operating Instructions while he slept. I wish I had photos of that sweet moment, but Toby and I were the only ones awake! I took a mental snapshot, though. :)

Anyway, the sling was such a lovely addition to the weekend and a wonderful way to have adventures with a baby as a trusty sidekick.

(The only catch is that it makes it tricky to drink a pre-dinner PBR.)

P.S. This post is part of the Sakura Bloom Styleathon, hosted by my friend Leigh. Read more here, if you'd like. Thank you again to Leigh for introducing me to the genius of slings, which are becoming part of my life in beautiful and magical ways.

Precious moments

Ever since Toby arrived, I've found myself feeling nostalgic for certain things even as they're happening. This morning, Toby was playing with water in the bathroom sink, and, as my heart swelled at the sweet sight, I simultaneously felt sad that one day soon he won't fit in there anymore. Ahh, a mama's heart is a strange and moody thing.

Motherhood Mondays: 8 confessions of a new dad

For today's second Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend, Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...

1. "I didn't bond with the baby right away."
The experience of fatherhood is thrilling, but so hard at the same time. I loved Toby from the second I saw him. But the first few months, to be honest, were pure adjustment. The baby is so helpless, and you're so clueless, and you don’t have that strong chemical, hormonal and emotional bond with the child, in the same way the mother does.

You spend the first six months of your baby's life cramming this giant rule book. You have to learn everything—how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper. I had never played with dolls or even babysat, so it was totally, totally new.

I did enjoy it--it was a fascinating odyssey and deeply satisfying--but, secretly, at the same time, if Joanna had walked in and said, "My mom's going to take over for the next month," I would have been thrilled.

2. "Time alone with the baby was surprisingly profound."
Even though I felt so lost overall, I was surprised by how spending time alone with Toby felt natural and surprisingly not scary. I remember the very first night we had Toby at home. Joanna was in bed, and I had four hours alone with him. He was sleeping in the bassinet next to me, and started to stir. I realized that he had never heard music before and that I got to pick out the first song he'd ever hear. I felt like I had a hand in shaping his destiny. Choosing a song on iTunes suddenly felt profound! I decided on "Penny Lane" by The Beatles. It was bright and optimistic, like the first day of spring. It was a magical moment.

3. “My wife acted a little like she was on drugs.”
Up until you have a baby, whatever happens, you and your wife pretty much respond the same way. You're on the same wavelength. But once the baby arrives, every thing that happens, your wife has a 90-degree different take.

Joanna's highs were higher, and her lows were lower. Her general joyfulness was so high; she was starry-eyed and blissed out. On the flip side, she was more anxious. She was more inclined to take any negative thing to heart—such as Toby fussing while we changed his diaper. I figured his fussing was a small, unfortunate but inevitable thing, but it felt incredibly urgent to Joanna. She got really upset by his crying—for her, it was like an alarm clock was going off inside her. She had an extreme surge of anxiety at any possible sign of disturbance to Toby, whereas I would address his crying but it wouldn't bother me on an emotional level. I just thought, Oh, all babies cry, he'll be ok.

It's like being with someone on drugs. You're on a different plane. You look at your wife, and you have to imagine, 'What exactly are you feeling? How does the world look to you right now?' Then you have to figure out how to respond the way she would want.

Everything does come back down to earth again. Your wife no longer feels those extreme surges at both ends of the emotional spectrum and becomes more like her old self (which is a relief to her, too), and you get more acclimated and feel like your old self. By about month nine, we found ourselves settling back into our old rhythms and feeling like ourselves again (see below:).

4. "I was nervous that my wife would like the baby better."
Maybe it sounds crazy, but a great fear I always had about having children was that my future wife might like them better. In many of my friends’ families growing up, the husband was basically replaced by the kids. There's nothing more primal than the love between mother and infant. I was absolutely worried about being dropped a notch.

Once Joanna was putting Toby to bed and I heard her tell him, "You're my favorite person in the whole world, do you know that?" and I was thinking, 'Really? What about me?' It sounds ridiculous, but it was an adjustment not to be the only man in her life. But in the end, I saw that our marriage could never be replaced by a baby—it's such a different thing. That realization was a huge relief.

5. “Children's books are boring.”
I love spending time with Toby, especially when we go on walks or play the guitar. But some baby activities are s-l-o-w. Many women seem to have a tremendous capacity to step outside themselves and see things through the baby's eyes, like reading children's books. But to me, children's books are fundamentally boring. Like, mind-numbing. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is tough sledding.

6. “Everything turned a corner at nine months."
I once heard a theory that babies are inside the womb for nine months, but that they're remain in the gestational period outside the womb for the next nine months.

Everything changed when Toby was nine months old. One day, Toby didn't seem to know who I was (or care!). But the next evening, I got home from work, and Toby was eating dinner in the high chair, and he looked up at me and smiled and shrieked and did jazz hands. He recognized me! It was amazing. I felt like we had truly connected. Honestly, for the first time, he didn't only feel like my baby, but like my son.

7. “I daydream about the future with Toby.”
I often daydream about Toby growing up: listening to music, taking him on boats, teaching him how to cook a great omelet, telling stories about "the old days." I always picture us on hikes for some reason—even though I don't really go on many hikes. My father and I used to sit around for hours some nights and plan my future, and I love the idea of being on the other side of that conversation. I also look forward to imparting lessons that my dad didn't give me—like how to ask out women.

8. “I'm ready for another.”
With your first baby, it's really tough. Every day is a surprise. But now I know that I can do it. Raising a child for the first 12 months of their life is a skill I now have. Having a second baby? Believe it or not, I can't wait. :)

Thank you, Alexei! My lovelies, do you think own dads had to adjust to having children? Fellow mamas, did your husbands immediately take to new parenthood, or did they find the transition tricky? Have they said anything about the experience? If you're a guy, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? I would love to hear... xoxo

Salt-Water sandals

My darlings, another Motherhood Monday post is coming up (about husbands!), but in the meantime, I wanted to share these sandals for little dudes. Every child in our neighborhood wears Salt-Water sandals, which are adorable, comfy and tough enough for city streets, grass parks, sandy beaches, and, of course, salty water. Toby just got his first little pair, and we're loving them already.

Mamas, have you ever tried them? What other children's shoes do you swear by? xo

P.S. Funnily enough, the sandals are also becoming cool for grown-ups. We spotted some chicer-than-chic women wearing them in the Hamptons!
(Bottom photo by Fashion is Spinach)

Pilsner cravings

What happens when you don't let Toby try a sip of beer at the Brooklyn beer hall.

Le petit prince

We were at a baby birthday party last weekend, and Toby fell asleep still wearing his crown. This photo is so sweet to me, it breaks my heart. :)
(Thanks, Ashley)

Motherhood Mondays: A funny tip about sex...

My darlings, for this Motherhood Monday post, let's talk about...sex! Recently I heard a genius tip about how to have a sexy date night with your husband. Want to hear?

Esther Perel, the author of the fascinating book Mating in Captivity, says that when you get home from a romantic night out, the key to having a sexy rest-of-the-night is simple: Let your husband pay the babysitter.

Why?

When the woman pays the babysitter, Perel says, she instantly switches back into "mom mode." She hunts for the cash and adds up the hourly wages; she asks the babysitter how much milk the baby drank and how long it took for him to fall asleep; she asks about the babysitter's weekend and confirms the next babysitting appointment. Having sex? Suddenly it's the furthest thing from her mind.

So, instead of paying the babysitter, says Perel, the woman should get home and head straight to the bedroom. That way, she can relax, maybe light a candle, and keep feeling fun and flirty. Meanwhile, the husband pays the sitter, sends her on her way, and then joins his lovely date!

Isn't that funny? It's such a simple but great tip. (I just hope our babysitters don't read this post, since after our next date night, I will be booking it to the bedroom:)

What do you think, mamas? Who normally pays the babysitter? What do you do on your date nights? What other little things do you do to keep the sparks in your relationship? I would LOVE to hear! xoxo
(Top photo via The Bean and the Bear; bottom photo of Alex and me by Christine. Also, thanks, Anna)

Happy Birthday, Toby!

Happy 1st Birthday, Toby! Today we can do all your favorite things, including walking up stairs, going to the playground, eating hummus and not taking a bath under any circumstances. We absolutely adore you.

P.S. I can't believe this was a year ago today.

My favorite baby carrier

My sweets, hope you had a wonderful weekend! We're back in New York now, but already missing San Francisco (and shrimp tacos). Photos coming up!

Meanwhile, I'd love to do two Motherhood Monday posts today. First up, have you ever worn a baby carrier? The comfiest one I've found (by far) is the Ergo, $135, which is really easy to put on. It's great to walk around the city (and into stores) while wearing Toby; I wear him on the front, so we can chit-chat, and he's always more mellow than when he's in the stroller.

So I was psyched to see that the Ergo just got a makeover. I have the sea green color (which I like), but they're now offering it in beautiful fabrics, like this lovely one above. Wouldn't it add such a pretty touch to an outfit? I'm trying to rationalize buying one for the summer. :)

P.S. 10 things to wear as a nursing mother.

(Via Stroller Traffic)

Motherhood Mondays: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? Or your parents?

On this Motherhood Monday, I'd love to talk about kissing babies.

First, here's a little story: When I was sixteen, we went to visit my grandparents in England. One night, I was saying good night to my grandfather. "Good night, Dilly," I said, standing next to his armchair, and then I leaned over and gave him a peck on the mouth. We had always kissed my parents on the lips, and I figured that was appropriate. I thought it was just what you did!

"Oh, yes, uh, well, Joanna," he said, flustered and almost dropping his whisky. Then he pulled himself together and looked up at me. "You know, I always say, 'A man should kiss his father on the forehead, kiss his friends and family on the cheek, and kiss his wife on the lips.'"

Oh, I thought, blushing a shade of lobster red. Good to know. I was mortified! After that, I stuck to cheek-kisses for pretty much everyone (even high-school boyfriends, but that's another story).

Fast forward fifteen years: Now that I have my own baby, I can't help kissing him all over the face, including his slobbery mouth. I basically make out with him. :) Nothing feels better than drool-y kisses from a baby. It feels instinctual. And I remember seeing a French movie years ago where the mother kissed her five-year-old daughter on the mouth, and it seemed sweet and natural (and chic:).

Funnily enough, though, Alex feels differently. I remember the day after Toby was born, we were still in the hospital, and I turned to Alex and said, "Oh, you have to kiss him on the mouth, it feels so good, you have to try it," and Alex was like, "No, thanks, I'll kiss him right here...on the top of the head." I teased him good-naturedly but, a year later, he's still rocking the forehead peck.

So, I'm curious: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? What about older children? Was there an age where you stopped? Have you ever kissed your parents on the mouth? Do you think it's lovely or entirely inappropriate? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!

(Top photo of Toby; bottom photos by Anais and Alain)

Family photos

After such a long winter, I almost forgot how wonderful and restorative sunshine can be! Hurray.

P.S. The 19 best NYC playgrounds.

Children's book

Hilarious. For all you new parents out there. :)

(Via New York Magazine)

Motherhood Mondays: On babysitters

My lovelies, for this Motherhood Monday, let's talk about babysitters.

Our very first babysitter was Naudia, who is still with us. (In the photo above, she's reading Toby his favorite story--he was only 3 months old.)

One thing that really surprised me was how hard it was to leave Toby with a babysitter for the first time. (How old were your babies when you first got a babysitter?) For us, Toby was two months old. Alex and I had planned to go to lunch and take a bike ride, and Naudia came over to babysit. But as soon as we walked out the door, I wanted to turn around and walk right back in. (My heart was racing!) Alex encouraged me to take a break and enticed me with the promise of roast chicken and fries at a nearby French bistro. I downed a glass of wine during lunch to calm my nerves and then took a wobbly bike ride while obsessing about Toby the entire time. I must have texted Naudia 1,000 times during our three-hour date! It's funny because I knew rationally that nothing bad was going to happen, but I felt so anxious--my heart was in my throat. As a new mom, my emotions were so heightened. (Did you mamas feel the same?)

Thankfully, each consecutive time that Alex and I went out, I felt more and more comfortable, and I'm so glad that Alex encouraged me. You don't always realize how much you need a break until you take one. I would return home a much more relaxed, refreshed and reinvigorated mother. (And now, of course, it's all much easier now that Toby's older!)

Nowadays Naudia is like part of our family. We completely adore her. She now babysits Toby while I work from home. When she arrives in the morning, Toby peeks over the banister and yelps and kicks with excitement. She has cute nicknames for him, takes him on "dates", and she even has his photo as her phone's wallpaper. And it's funny how quickly the walls break down when someone works in your home: She's seen Alex and me half asleep, in our pajamas (and one embarrassing morning--when Alex didn't realize that she had arrived yet--without pajamas), with messy hair, without makeup, worrying, laughing, even crying. Since I work from home in our teeny apartment, we're around each other so much; it's such an intimate relationship. It's hard to imagine ever not having her in our lives!

(By the way, years ago, I read a fascinating book called Searching for Mary Poppins, which features a collection of mothers' essays about the complex relationship between mothers and nannies. I'd highly recommend it.)

I'm so curious: Have you babysat before? If you're a mom, do you like your babysitters? Where did you find them? Have you ever had not-so-great babysitting experience? I would love to hear...
(Naudia giving Toby his very first massage. She kept saying, "He's found his utopia!":)

P.S. More about motherhood, pregnancy and babies.

Giggling.

Just 'cause.

Motherhood Mondays: On having a boy

My darlings, sorry for the late post today! I've been thinking about this one all day, and finally had a chance to write it out.

So, I'd love to ask: When you think of having children, do you ever secretly hope for a boy or a girl? Even though people don't really talk about it, I actually think it's really common to wish for one or the other.

When you're pregnant, the most important thing on your mind, of course, is having a healthy baby. Anyone who is given that gift is blessed beyond belief. I definitely did not take that for granted and felt hugely lucky to be having a baby.

But also, in my heart of hearts, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I secretly hoped that we would have a girl. I had always imagined having a daughter and doing all those fun girly things together--playing with dolls, going to ballet lessons, having heart-to-heart mother/daughter conversations, and doing all the classic (and cliched) things that are part of girlhood. I loved being a girl (and am really close to my own mom); and thought it would be such fun to raise one.

So when we found out that we were expecting a boy, I was so excited and couldn't wait to meet the little man. But part of me couldn't help secretly feeling a little disappointed. I felt really guilty for feeling that way (was I a terrible person? the gender shouldn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, right?), but the feeling remained. I had always pictured having a daughter...and now we weren't.

Plus, I kept thinking about how didn't know a single thing about boy stuff. The guys in my family are really male--they all are obsessed with motorcycles and pranks and windsurfing and whisky. Would Alex and our baby bond over sports, while I wouldn't be able to share that with them, I wondered? When we were growing up, my brother and dad talked endlessly about motorcycle parts and car racing; what if my baby boy wanted to talk about cars? I didn't know a thing about them--or care! And I'm a wuss about rollercoasters and swimming in the ocean and those types of boy-ish rough-and-tumble activities. What if he were into those things? Would I be the lame mom sitting nervously on the bench while my son bonded with all the more adventurous types?

I really worried that I wouldn't be able to connect to a boy...or, more aptly, that he wouldn't connect to me.

But then.

Toby arrived.

Once the doctor put my red-faced, wrinkly, sweet, beautiful baby boy into my arms, EVERYTHING changed.

I can tell you with all my heart, now that Toby has entered our lives, it is the most incredible, moony experience, and now I CANNOT imagine having anything other than my delicious baby boy. When he was brand new, he was so tiny, vulnerable and sweet. When I breastfed him, and he'd snuggle up and put his little hand on my chest and look into my eyes, I would just swoon.

Now that he's eleven months old, he is so lovely and has such a sweet, open demeanor. He giggles, he coos, he stands on full tippy-toe. He touches my face with serious concentration. He loves reading books and eating pears and looking out the window. Sometimes when he's asleep at night, I'll tiptoe into the nursery just to lean down and put my head near his; I love seeing his out-of-proportion body sleeping there: his big head, small shoulders, big diaper butt, and short legs. I pat his back and smell his sweet milky breath. I am totally enamored and enchanted by him. He is my little man, my lovely little boy.

Having a son has turned out to be the most amazing thing, and my apprehensions and fears seem so silly now. I'm so excited to bring him up, and previously boring things like baseball and water pistols are suddenly super thrilling, since I see them through his sweet little eyes. The other day, I was riding my bike downtown and saw a dinosaur-shaped balloon and couldn't stop thinking about how cool it was. :)

Oh, how Toby has opened my eyes!

Anyway, I thought I'd tell you, my sweet readers, since people don't often talk about their preferences for a boy or a girl (it seems like it shouldn't matter) but I think it's very normal to initially crave one over the other. And I wanted to be honest and share how needlessly worried I had been. I'm curious: Do you secretly hope for a boy or girl? How have your thoughts changed, if you've had a baby? I'm so curious to hear -- from everyone from mamas and mamas-to-be! Leave your comment anonymously, if you'd like!

(Photo credit unknown, via Abby Sharp)

Steven Alan for kids

Steven Alan, one of my all-time favorite New York designers, just launched a kids' collection! (How sweet are these little bloomers?!)

P.S. This is the women's outfit I want to wear to the playground:)

Motherhood

It's amazing how much you love your own child. Although motherhood can be hard sometimes, and the juggle of work vs. life vs. baby can feel impossible to get right, Toby and his little bald head and his powdery/milky scent and his drooly smile and his throaty laugh make me so moony every time.

They say that when you have a baby, your heart lives outside you, and that phrase has come to mind so many times since Toby was born. It even feels physical: Funnily enough, when I'm away from him, like at a work meeting or dinner with friends, I often get a constant nagging feeling that I've left something behind; I keep checking my pockets for my cell phone and my wallet and my keys, and then I realize, oh, yes, of course, I left behind my Toby!

I read a great Carl Jung quote the other day: "Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important." And I realized that I'd love to talk more about the real-life, day-to-day experiences of being a new mom. So I'm excited to start a new weekly series called Motherhood Mondays, where we can talk openly about everything from babysitters to breastfeeding (and Alex will finally share his side of our birth story). (And is there anything specific you'd like to talk about or have been wondering about?) Much love to you all! xoxo

(Photos by Alex)

Tragedy of the first position

This adorable video has been making the internet rounds, but I can't help reposting it! She's trying so hard! Ahh, I can't stop laughing. What a sweetie. :)

P.S. Ballet boys and marshmallow willpower.

Toby gets the giggles

A little video from last weekend. Apparently the word "gulp" is secretly very, very hilarious.

P.S. Toby's laugh has changed so much! Here was his very first giggle at two months old and a belly laugh at four months old.

Baby baths

My sweets, I wanted to share a little post I put together for Beso about my favorite baby bathtime products. For you mamas out there, I especially recommend the genius Puj tub, which fits into a bathroom sink and then stores flat in a closet. It made bathing a newborn so much easier. (Toby's first giggle was in the bath!:)


(P.S. Photo above of the cutest shark robe)